The Fez-o-rama Shipping Llamas check in!
Time just gets away from us, but now we're back and we bring reports of llama activities with us! Here's the deal: Fez-O-Rama employs shipping llamas. They're a rare breed of animal that is both truly dedicated to their job and also llamas. Every month we will be bringing you some of the true tales of the Fez-O-Rama fez delivering llamas that deliver fezzes! But, you may ask, how can we do that? Llamas are secretive and keep their diaries close to the vest. That's true. But we have thumbs. Huzzah! This time out we hear from Fez Scott Fezgerald: Dear Diary, On my way to North Babylon. I thought it would be in ancient times and that they had finally unlocked time travel. I wanted to deliver fezzes to the past. Think of it, maybe Fez-O-Rama invented the fez! That would be very cool. I would've enjoyed that. But it's upstate NY. Dear Diary, New Babylon is actually quite pretty. I'm not sure if qualifies as new, however. Then again, that seems to be a running theme with this whole state, right? I should ask someone about that. Dear Diary, I asked someone about that. Turns out they didn't know what I meant. They there was screaming when the guy realized I was a talking llama. Best to just move on and go to the next delivery, I decided. So I grabbed a bus. Funny thing about grabbing a bus when you're a llama. You ride with the luggage, under the bus, all curled up. That sounds worse than it is, I get to go through people's stuff. Dear Diary, Got off the bus in Erie, PA. It is really not that eerie, and even though they dropped the first E I still feel a bit disappointed. If you name your town Erie, it should be eerie. That seems like a given to my mind. The residents of Erie disagree. Dear Diary, I will give Erie this: They have no problem with talking llamas. According to local legend many animals in Erie talk. Or there's a lot of chlorine in the water and they hallucinate constantly. They're not telling. I find that I don't care, I enjoyed sitting and talking with people, while having pizza. I really like pizza but it's not often I get to partake. It's hard to eat if no one helps, when you don't have hands. Dear Diary, Headed out to Portage, IN today. I gotta say that sounds like a great place to deliver things to. Portage. Humans have funny names for places. Llamas are much simpler. We name places for obvious stuff - like I've been to "here" and "there" and… most places are named either here or there. It's really confusing actually. Not sure how I would deliver fezzes to countless "there"s is I had to. Dear Diary, Portage is not at all what I expected. Well, I suppose it is exactly what I expected - a city in Indiana. But past that, I saw a clown as soon as I got off the truck. Not sure if that's indicative of anything, I suppose, but now I will think of clowns every time I think of Portage. Dear Diary, Almost lost my package! I was walking along, intent on making my delivery today, when a guy on a bike swerved and almost hit me! I had to jump to get clear and my package soared right off! I had to run to get it, but it almost fell into the road and then it would've gotten run over! We don't deliver fezzes if they've been run over. That's really bad form. So thankfully I grabbed it in time. Still, scary situation. I had to check the fez to make sure it was unharmed. I promise it wasn't licked of anything. Just, you know, sniffed a bit. It's fine. Don't worry. It was fine. And delivered! Eesh. I think it's time I went back to base. Maybe Ernest Fezingway can finish my deliveries… -Fezzy Fezzy is fine folks. He just needed a bit of rest and a cannoli. The restorative powers of a cannoli should not be underestimated. Until next time! I'm your loyal chronicler… -Adam P. Knave The Fez-O-Rama Shipping Lama Adventures are written by Adam P. Knave, author of STRANGE ANGEL, I SLEPT WITH YOUR IMAGINARY FRIEND and STAYS CRUNCHY IN MILK, as well as one of the editors of Image comics Harvey and Eisner award winning POPGUN anthology. You can find him at http://www.adampknave.com or on Twitter @adampknave should you want. He likes the idea of llamas wearing fezzes a bit too much, if you ask us.