#51 The Mimic Fez

As Fezmonger, I of course spend a good amount of time contemplating the inevitable fall of mankind. It is the burden of the job. We’ve covered robot uprisings, zombie outbreak and wholesale existential foreclosure by a slumbering god. So what, you may ask, is the next great threat to our existence? Well, it is nothing so insidious or obvious as those. mimicI propose that our downfall will not come from some great unimaginable horror but from something we already take for granted. I present to you the humble cephalopod. I fear we have gravely underestimated these amazing creatures and will eventually pay for our arrogance. They won’t rise up in some sort of violent rebellion. Oh no, they are far too clever for anything so garish. No, I believe they will use their chromatophores, subtle intelligence and incredible skills of mimicry to infiltrate polite society. We’ve already recorded many cases of mimicry in cephalopods but I suspect these rudimentary displays are merely a red herring… well not actually a red herring, we have little to fear from herrings –even the pickled ones. No these displays are solely a way to deter our learning the true level of their skill. They are playing a waiting game and over the centuries they have honed their skills. Not content to simply spread ridiculous theories, I have also done copious amounts of research looking for examples of cephalopod infiltration. Sadly this has turned out to be mostly fruitless aside from a few scrawling left by what appears to be an absinthe addled artist during the early 20th century. Details are well, sketchy, but it seems that there was one case of what appeared to be a cephalopod masquerading as a mustachioed gentleman going by the ridiculous moniker of Lord Percy Scuttlefish or “Bob” to his familiars. Sure, this could all be the mad delusions of a wormwood influenced mind, and as we all know you can’t trust artists, but I for one will stay ever vigilant; and to show those invertebrate sneaks that we are on to them, I have created this fez! This one is for me but if you too would like to don this special fez to let all the cephalopods out there that they better not try any funny stuff, then jump on over to the store get in on the preorder. We’ll start making these this weekend for shipping next week. This Low Profile mark VI fez features my rendering of “Lord Percy Scuttlefish” in 6 shades of thread. The colors are sadly speculative since no color photographs were taken of this mysterious fellow. I may need to do future renderings in pinks or blues.


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